Lower Than Low

I was on the phone with my mom this morning once again bemoaning the fact that the inside of our freezer is warmer than our outdoor temperature by double digits yet again.  Hundreds of schools and colleges are closed in our state (not ours, mind you, but let's not go there) because frankly, it is just too damn cold outside!  Before moving here, I never really gave a thought to the crazy folks who chose to live in areas where double digit sub-zero temperatures were possible and now I am one of them. My mom, who in a moment of weakness and extreme love for her only grandchildren, dragged my dad and moved out here as well, told me that she feels as if she knows how the pioneer women lived as they moved forward across the country, facing harsh winters to finally settle here. She questioned why the heck they didn't turn right around and head back to the beautiful coastline and forget about wide-open spaces, freedom and all that nonsense.  They had the beach, for heaven's sake.  I told her I felt that by mile 705, their brains were probably frozen rock-solid so they were not thinking anymore, merely moving forward in an effort to maintain some body heat to keep from freezing to death.

My friends back home ask me how I stay warm in weather this cold, but the truth of the matter is that I am never really truly warm, only less cold, despite the maxi-length down coat, heavy boots and thermal gloves I wear daily.  Gone are the days when I obsessed about what I was going to wear because no one sees me without that silly coat until at least the end of March. Some days I feel as though I am single-handedly keeping Bath & Body Works afloat with the amount of lotions and creams I buy in a futile effort to keep my skin from turning to sandpaper from the extreme temperature. For that matter, ditto the makers of Excedrin to combat the migraines I get worrying about the weather and the snowfall totals, the gale force winds, the thickness of the ice on the roads and whether or not we will be able to see asphalt sometime before June.

There is not a day that goes by that I am not thrilled with my car's heated seats.  My children love them, too, although I have more children than heated seats which has afforded me the opportunity to use them as a bribe.  It is amazing how cooperative children can be when the thought of being relegated to that lowly unheated third row in my car comes into play.

So, today, as we once again descend to a -40 temperature with windchill, I am here in body only because my mind and my heart are warming with dreams of warm sand and crystal clear water...without an iceberg in sight!

Stuck

I am struggling with whether or not to move forward with blogging as I am so frustrated and agitated with our life right now that nothing seems right. I seem to have nothing positive to say. We are hamsters in a wheel running as quickly as we can, but failing to move forward. I am growing more tired by the minute with nothing to show for it.  Yes, the workout might be great but even the most successful exercise routines are founded in variety.  It is, after all, the spice of life or so I have been told.  This, my friends, is the problem. I write about things about which I am passionate and for the past four years that has been our struggle with my husband's on again off again employment status. Honestly, as I wrote those words I had to stop and 'take a moment' as it seems surreal and so exceedingly outrageous that this issue has perpetuated for four years and counting. I have such strong feelings about our situation that I could talk and write about it 24/7, but I do realize just how monotonous it must for my reader. Believe me, I would like nothing more than to stop thinking and talking about it myself. The problem is that I am stuck, emotionally, creatively and mentally, cycling round and round like that hamster, unable to push forward with a fun idea about which to write. Unemployment permeates every facet of our lives and despite trying to come up with some new and exciting topic, all creative roads seem to lead me straight back to our lack of a job.

So, where do I go from here?  Do I stop blogging until my husband gets a job?  With our track record that might take a while. Cranky and resentful?  Yup!  Do I continue to whine and share said crankiness via my blog because, in some way, it is cathartic?  Perhaps. Right now, I don't know which decision is the 'right' one or if in fact, there is a 'right' one at all. Maybe I will just focus the bulk of my blogs on my son's impending high school graduation and departure for college. Then I could switch from a tone of anger and desperation to sadness and worry. Trust me, if you are looking for a light-hearted and fun read, you are definitely reading the wrong blog. On some level, though, reading my blog is uplifing.  As my friend said to me (yes, she still is my friend despite saying this), "whenever I feel down, I think about your life and know how lucky I am because I could be you."  Nice, huh?