Let me tell you how I feel today. Joan Rivers, the comedian, recently wrote a book in which she described, in her inimitably profane manner, how she hates everyone including herself and today I feel as though I could have written that book myself. My son got me up in the middle of the night and while that is certainly nothing new for me, it did set off a domino-effect of annoyances from not being able to fall back to sleep to being stuck inside the 'dark place' in my head where all the bad thoughts lurk, thrive and multiply. Rather than leap out of bed feeling refreshed (I think the last time that happened was about 9 years ago), I jumped up feeling agitated and cranky. The list of things bugging me include, but are not limited to, the fact that I have a doctor's appointment this morning...who really wants to do that?; the way I look (awful); the way I feel (worse); the fact that no matter how often I wash my car (multiple times a week), it never looks clean enough; when one child has a problem, it seems they all do (has no one ever heard of the 'one at a time rule?'); my laundry is fornicating and multiplying (I just know it) so my doing 23 loads a week is just never enough; my favorite shirt has a hole in it (gleefully pointed out to me by the child who wakes me up at night) plus too many more issues to list.
My husband insisted that I write it out claiming that it would be cathartic to get it all out of my head and onto paper (okay, computer screen, but you know what I mean) and I know he meant well but I am not sure it is working. Since seeing my list in black and white, I am crankier than ever and the act of mulling it over and thinking it through have only made me want to add more items to the list namely my husband who made me write it down in the first place.