Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Bullet Train

My house is eerily quiet today as the children have returned to school after a two week and one day spring break.  Although the first week was not the best marked not only by impossibly rotten weather but also doctor appointments and illness, the second week was considerably better and a whole lot more fun.  The weather cooperated beautifully and we actually started to believe that spring was not merely a concept but, in fact, it just might be a reality for us, too.  Mother Nature must have been annoyed at our excitement, however, as her need to show us who is boss brought single digit temperatures yesterday and though sunny today, we still have a real feel of only 25 right now.  Still, we have tasted spring and know it is on the way.

I have never been a fan of returning from spring break as it seems to place us on the fact track to the end of school, unable to catch our breath until we are thrust out of the craziness and into summer break the first week of June.  As if the daily lacrosse practices are not enough, we still have riding, games, concerts, a Transition Dinner, two birthdays and lest we not forget, more homework, tests, projects and for those older children, the dreaded end of year finals.  I must admit that if those things are not enough to bring tears to my eyes, the fact that my oldest will be a rising senior come June is enough to throw me over the edge.  My children think it is hilarious that the mere mention of this fact or anything related to it turns me into a crying fool.  My daughter, who seems to share the same 'quick to tear up' gene that I do, is constantly watching my face when college talk starts to see how long I can hold it together before I break down.  Sadly, she does not have to wait long as the water works are almost instantaneous.

Friends and family tell me all the time that I need to let go and understand that this is the next phase in his life and a wonderful new beginning for him and for us.  Poppycock!  Of course I understand that intellectually and I would never do anything to stand in the way of this new journey for him, but I never thought I could miss someone so much before he has even walked out the door.  To think that he will no longer be part of our daily lives bugging me in the morning about what I might be making for dinner, sending me funny emails or checking out houses with me during Parade of Homes is an almost impossible concept for me to manage.

So, on this first day back after the long break during which my children and I enjoyed our time together, I am feeling terribly melancholic as I sit here alone (after having run hither and yon picking up last minute sports items for said children) and think about the end of school.  I would love to say that I just need to get through this and then it will start to get better, but with a rising freshman come June, I get to re-live this feeling all over again all soon...and then again...and then one more time. Think about it, if I am this out of control for my first child, can you image how I will be for my last? I think I should start interviewing therapists right about now.

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