Friday, August 31, 2012

Quiet Hurts

I just accomplished the dreaded weekly food shopping trip in record time so I should be thrilled, but I am not feeling it. I really miss my children when they are at school. Don't get me wrong, not having to battle down the aisles, four abreast, with constant yammering about this or that was calming, however, I would trade all the calm and quiet for 10 things thrown into my cart without permission any day.  I kept looking around for a distraction all the while cursing those moms who had their children with them because their school does not start until after Labor Day. One mom looked completely overwhelmed as her three little ones were running around and trying to climb into the cart. I wanted to offer to take them for a while so that she could shop in peace but I thought she might think I was crazy and call for help.

Having a high school junior this year is not helping matters either. I am completely obsessed with the fact that next summer will be our last 'free' summer together without the specter of packing for college hanging over our heads (okay, hanging over my head as he is good to go).  I cannot tolerate those moms who look at me as though I have truly stepped over the edge when I say how much I dread his leaving. I am certain you know the type.  They are the ones talking about enjoying watching their children 'soar' and 'grow into amazing, independent young adults filled with promise.' I have been told that I should love each and every stage of my son's development and be proud of his achievements, to encourage him to be his own person. Hogwash!  Hey, I am an Italian mom who wants her children close so that I can be overprotective, do their laundry and feed them...lots and often.

To be honest, I am just reveling in my own selfishness today. I don't want to let him go. You see,  it is not just going away to college.  I am more than acutely aware that once we drop him off at school, his independent life begins and I become but a part of his future. I will not be picking him up at the end of a school day and listening to the stories of the day nor will he be hounding me about what is on the menu for dinner. We won't be sitting together at night and talking nor will he be driving his brother crazy...yes, on some level, I will miss that as well.

My other son told me that he was going to try to be like my oldest so that I would not miss him as much. I know I am not alone as it seems we will all feel the void once he heads off to college.  Some more than others, however, as my little one has already laid claim to his brother's lacrosse pitch back. As they say, perspective is everything.

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