I am just so restless today thatI am annoying myself. Furthermore, I seem to have the attention span of a gnat which has resulted in more projects started yet remaining incomplete than I would like to admit. Perhaps it is a combination of the 'back to school blues' (mine, not my children's) and this never-ending unemployment that is causing all my discomfort today. I swear, I was in my car this morning and I just wanted to keep driving...fight or flight must have kicked in and, after having fought for so long, flight was looking pretty good. I just wanted to walk along the beach and pick up some shells with the ocean lapping at my toes, trying to hold onto a little more summer, but I figured a two day drive for the coast was out of the question, so I went home instead.
The same questions keep swirling around in my head--I have tried telling myself to shut up but, apparently, my brain must still be a teenager and it is ignoring me--and all possible solutions simply lead to more unanswerable questions. Believe me, the best way to paralyze a control freak is to remove all aspects of control from her life such as where she might have to live, where her children will go to school, how the heck the bills will get paid. The inside of my head must look like a tornado just hit it with all these worries and issues swirling around and around.
I often tell my husband that I long to someday be able to remove my brain, wash it in a nice sudsy tub filled with warm water, rinse it well, blow it dry and then tuck it in a little bed, nestled deep in a fluffy comforter and soft pillows. My poor brain so needs a nice long rest and that would be sheer bliss.