I spend a lot of time really listening to people and what they have to say. I have a tendency to take it all in, the big picture, not merely their words but the implications that tend to travel along with them. Because I was born with the ability (curse) to never take anything lightly, I then ruminate about those words and the people who said them, constantly comparing myself to them, for better or worse. Speaking to me should come with a disclaimer stating that nothing said to me in passing is ever just that, a mere passing comment. Nothing is situational for me, but all is fodder for my constant mental rehashing. Where am I going with this? Well, after too much Facebook and chats with neighbors of late, I have decided that I am a slug. It seems that I am suffering from a form of mental paralysis that is keeping me from actually living a life instead of merely existing in one.
That said, I do have an extenuating circumstance in that with no income, we are in kind of a bind when it comes to 'living the good life.' However, I am so in awe of people who make a plan or set a goal and then go after it with reckless abandon (no, never been reckless in my life, but I can dream, can't I?). I watch Househunters International on HGTV and I am completely amazed at people who have given up good jobs and beautiful homes all for a dream, or at least a chance at it, in some obscure European village or third world country with a gorgeous beach. How I wish self-confidence was a saleable commodity. I swear I would be the first in line with my credit card at the ready.
I was brought up to think first, fully understand all possible ramifications of my actions and then, if I was certain I could do something well and appropriately, I could act on it. A direct result of all this 'analysis before action' apparently led to my son telling me that I am too much of a 'goody two shoes' to have ever done anything wrong. He is not completely right as I did attempt to have fun during my college years, however, I certainly have had my feet cemented in the straight and narrow ever since.
So, on this Monday morning when I am feeling wholly disenchanted and bored with where/who I am in my life right now, I am looking to converse with only those who who are equally dismayed or more cranky (as if that really is possible) about their lives for self-preservation sake. The rest of you happy campers, talk amongst yourselves and keep your distance until further notice!