Sunday, December 2, 2012

Ad Infinitum

This post should definitely come with a disclaimer because if you are looking for happy and upbeat, you will need to look elsewhere today because I am in a very dark place.  It all started with the set up of our Christmas countdown clock which has become an unfortunate daily reminder of how close we are getting to the third year anniversary of my husband's unemployment. To say that length of time to be without a job is unfathomable or unconscionable would be a gross understatement of the truth. If this were the plot line in a movie, I would think that the screenwriter abused the concept of poetic license and if a friend told me that this was happening to her family, I would think that she was exaggerating for effect. The fact that it is happening to us personally has made it all too real and inescapable. I don't know why it is hitting me so hard this weekend in particular, but I cannot get over the fact that we used to be so normal and now we are simply not anymore-how much we took for granted like paying bills and buying things that made us happy just because we could.

People ask me all the time what else my husband could be doing to look for work and why he is not getting any response to the umpteen resumes he has sent out. As if I had an answer and, more importantly, as if I were keeping the reason to myself for some demented reason.  Seriously, do people really think we are enjoying this?  That we like worrying about how to hold onto the house, the cars, our minds? And other thing, I don't want to have people tell me that they are going to pray for us. I don't want to be prayed for, in fact, I don't want to be thought about at all, I just want to be normal again.  To go about my business not needing any additional spiritual help.  Believe me, I know their thoughts are well-intentioned but I so long to be part of the regular society again--no prayers required.

Since 2010, I have grown to hate this time of year while the other folks usher out the old year and look forward to a new start in the coming year. To be honest, I am terrified that 2013 is coming to bring more of the same bad luck just like 2011 and 2012 did for us. I've some wicked precedent, you know? I am afraid to be hopeful lest I need to prepare myself for another year like this one.

Would that I have a crystal ball that could tell me when this seemingly endless nightmare might truly be over. Then I could handle the countdown to that date, knowing this perpetuation of joblessness would finally have an end.  Since we are masters at networking, rewriting the resume, applying for jobs outside of my husband's comfort zone as well as to those well within his range of expertise, all alternative suggestions to the job search would be most welcome and appreciated.

Remember, you were forewarned.  I told you I was in a dark place (you should have seen what I deleted from this post!)

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