Funny how all the old feelings came right back to me after my husband told me he was let go. I did not even get a few more minutes of the joy I had been feeling just seconds before his call. Everything was just wiped clean and instantaneously replaced by the feelings of embarrassment, anger, frustration and despair I had known all too well just five short weeks ago. How could this have happened again?--and they say lightening does not strike twice in the same place. Ha! I proved that wrong.
After over two years of truly struggling, my family was more than ready to take on the role of being normal again, of fitting in at school and in our neighborhood. We would not need to pretend that we were okay because we would be. I would not have to hear 'we can do that when daddy gets a job' over and over again until it hurt so much I would choke up. I cannot believe we have returned to that all in the blink of an eye.
The owner of the company said he wanted to take it in a new direction, apparently one he had not thought of a mere five weeks prior when he offered my husband the job and changed our world forever. I have always been taught to 'be the bigger person,' to think of other people first, and to be grateful for what we have. Obviously, if this man was taught that he did not obey and yet, there he sits this weekend with his family, observing his holiday, never giving us a second thought as we are plunged back into a hell I was so thrilled to have escaped.
To those dying to tell me an uplifting platitude about better things to come and things happening for a reason, better keep it to yourself today (maybe for a good long while) as it will be falling on deaf ears. I will get through this because I will do anything I have to to make this right for my children. Once again, I will be dancing as fast as I can--and it sucks...big time.