Wednesday, April 25, 2012


Life seems to be on permanent hold for us and, believe me, it is not stuck in a good place.  Every effort made to move forward only results in jettisoning us back even further than we were when we started this horrible journey.  At least a hundred times a day (sometimes more), I wonder what we did wrong that might have brought us to this point.  My mom always drove home the point that I needed to 'be the bigger person'--when she was not lecturing me on the importance of proper towel folding, that is--and I have spent my life trying to live up to her expectations thinking that by not being self-centered and by thinking about other people first, somehow my life would be enhanced and I would be, at least on some level, fulfilled.  I listen to people tell me all the time that 'God has a plan' and that we need to 'create our own destiny.'  Lofty, yes.  Practical, not so much. Try writing one of those statements on the memo line of a check for a bill that needs to be paid and see how far you get.  Right now I am tapped out emotionally, physically and mentally.  Rare is the time that I have no answers or alternative plan, but this is one of them.

I actually think my mom had it wrong though.  Being the bigger person might be the right approach theoretically, but based on the past two plus years, I have become a strong supporter of the 'only the good die young' approach to life.  If nothing else, it seems like a lot more fun.

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