Life seems to be on permanent hold for us and, believe me, it is not stuck in a good place. Every effort made to move forward only results in jettisoning us back even further than we were when we started this horrible journey. At least a hundred times a day (sometimes more), I wonder what we did wrong that might have brought us to this point. My mom always drove home the point that I needed to 'be the bigger person'--when she was not lecturing me on the importance of proper towel folding, that is--and I have spent my life trying to live up to her expectations thinking that by not being self-centered and by thinking about other people first, somehow my life would be enhanced and I would be, at least on some level, fulfilled. I listen to people tell me all the time that 'God has a plan' and that we need to 'create our own destiny.' Lofty, yes. Practical, not so much. Try writing one of those statements on the memo line of a check for a bill that needs to be paid and see how far you get. Right now I am tapped out emotionally, physically and mentally. Rare is the time that I have no answers or alternative plan, but this is one of them.
I actually think my mom had it wrong though. Being the bigger person might be the right approach theoretically, but based on the past two plus years, I have become a strong supporter of the 'only the good die young' approach to life. If nothing else, it seems like a lot more fun.
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